Thursday, February 11, 2010

I'm Not Always a Fucking Retard

Warning I've had two "bubba kegs" of bourbon whiskey and cola so I'm a bit shit-canned right now. Take with grain of salt. fair warning

Fuck i'm sick of people thinking I'm a naive' idiot.
I know its expensive to move to So Cal. I am not under the impression it will be easy.
I am doing research on where is good and where is bad vs. price range.
Let me make my own mistakes or successes. I understand your point of view and knowledge but I wouldn't go out there on just a fucking wing and a prayer. I don't live in the fucking ghetto of MPLS and i would avoid it as much as i could on the west coast too.
I get some booze in me and if I start talking about something I am passionate about, it ramps it up tenfold. Its not anger until you think I'm angry then I get annoyed because you cannot descern the difference.
I love it that I have been faulted by certain people for not having any passion or desires and then when I show some passion and motivation and desire I get faulted by other people for being an asshole.
I'm just gonna be my fucking self, like it or not. OK?!?!?!?!

Hell this plan of going out west is on such shakey ground right now that it might fall through or it might happen.... I DON"T FUCKING KNOW.
I just want to have SOMETHING I look forward to, some purpose that I still exist because not having a job and being stir crazy in the apartment in the winter is killing me.
Pretty much everything I put effort or hope into falls through spectacularly but I'm still trying to make something work while I'm not bogged down. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

This is something that needs to be about ME, not anyone else right now. Its selfish but its honest.
I'm a pretty terrible friend to anyone so why does anyone expect better from me?
I've been both a shit-tastic boyfriend and an amazing "potential" boyfriend but I have yet to have a chance to put what I've learned from my mistakes into practice yet... but thats a whole nother can of worms that I'm dwelling on.

Final Summation... Can you blow me where the pampers is????

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