Friday, February 19, 2010

It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin....

Lots of debate going on in my head. Is this anything new?
A: No it is not.
I swear sometimes I have ADD for life.
One of the debates going on in my head is whether to move to San Diego as i planned on or maybe just throw all my shit in storage for a bit and travel Europe.
I don't honestly know.
Its nice to be able to have both of these as possibilities. The Europe one being more of a pipe dream until the US dollars exchange rate with the euro bounces back to a level that makes it more fair.
The idea either way is to open myself up to meeting new people and take my photography to a higher level.
It is about the only thing interesting me at this point is taking pictures (and if you know me you will insert a joke about taking pictures of myself at this point)
The way I look at it is once I get my living situation shored up after my lease ends then the other debate raging in my head( substitute debate for wishful thinking) about girls will either narrow or greatly expand the possibilities.
My big problem is I've burdened myself with wasting years and much money on my collections, the action figures, the screen prints, movie posters, dvds, records etc... not to mention having my oh so comfortable massive bed to lug around with me.
I could give all that stuff up or sell it or store it, but being the American mass consumer that i've been conditioned to be, i would miss that stuff.
That is sad statement.
I would miss that stuff.
Still its true none the less.
It would be so much easier to have someone motivating me to make these big life changes like it was when the decision to move to Minneapolis was made. Scary yes but having someone right there in the thick of it with me was also soothing. Not to say I wasn't a nut case leading up to said move. But I seem to work better in pairs or groups than as a lone wolf. Which is surprising considering how much I enjoy my alone time. But I digress...
All i really need is a suitcase of clothes, my computer, my meds, and the cash. The rest is a peripheral anchor weighing me down.
I have an envious nomadic heart but a concrete mind. Weighs me down.
Still this is my year of change, not sure what fashion that means, i'm guessing on change of location but maybe its as simple as frame of mind. Or maybe it will end up with me finally having true adult responsibilities. Like I really have a fucking clue.
And this is the tornado that is constantly swirling in my head even as i try to sleep.
No wonder I'm a head case.
So yeah... San Diego or time in Europe? Either way I have two years to get established somewhere to meet a personal goal.
And if anyone even mentions school I am gonna drop kick a puppy as far and as hard as I can. And its gonna be a cute one, so don't fucking mention that to me anymore.

Treat for sitting through this rant: a song that has been stuck in my head for weeks

final summation or advice: Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay there will be trouble, if I go there will be double

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