Monday, August 30, 2010

just call me "johnny paycheck"

New job. Fucking rad.
I'm worn out from getting up earlier than i'm use to.
Spent the morning doing paper work then on to cleaning cars. Its not hard, usually get a car down every half hour or so.
It will be nice when I go to my regular 2nd shift of 2 to 10pm. Can't wait for my insurance to kick in too.

Things are going great with Suzy. Also my mom said she would float me a loan once I got a full time job so I can get a new car, I'm sick of driving the truck. It is about at that point where it will start to nickel and dime me to death so its a perfect time to get a 4 door.

Life is definately getting better.
Looks like everything is coming up Milhouse

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Life part 2

Like i was saying before, I'm a little freaked out.
Or to quote Motion City Soundtrack " the future freaks me out", this is really ridiculous that I cannot find a suitable job. I just want a job that pays decent and isn't too demeaning. I'm pretty surprised that I've had no real hits on any of my resume'. I've even tried calling these places back, I just get the same run around " we're still looking at applications". I go in conservative, hidden tattoos, polite and all that jazz but so far.... fuck all.
I've tried not being as picky as I would like to be in choosing where I apply but its not helping. If only the bar would give me more hours it would float me along enough to save money and pay for insurance.
So I've got that on my mind.

Not to mention the desire to move but again no cash, no move. Then we have the Wedding which I know isn't for a while but saving for that would be nice too and not have to feel like a deadbeat while my fiancee works TWO jobs and I have none. Wish I woulda had a server job in high school so I could use that on my resume'. Every place wants an EXPERIENCED server, no time to train I guess.

So I got alot on my mind at the moment. Suzy is doing her best to make it easy on me but its still frustrating and nerve-racking trying to get my shit together.

Waiting is the worst part.

Friday, August 20, 2010


A little freaked out.

Might have to grow up fast.

Might be much ado about nothing...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Oh lord, I hate being stuck in Lodi again....

I miss living in Minneapolis.
Moreover I miss living in Minneapolis in the summertime. Yes, I am happy I don't have to be paying rent right now since I don't have a steady income to support an apartment. This is the nice part of being back in Lodi but I am so bored. Nothing to do around here. Its got pretty scenery sure, but that doesn't keep my attention for very long. Not that I left my apartment alot towards the end of my tenure in MPLS but that was more due to trying to save money and well it was the end of winter and springtime I spent most of my time getting ready to move or visiting my, at the time future, fiancee'.
I spend far too much of my time in my room playing video games or watching TV. I don't really even watch movies anymore because there isn't anyone to watch them with and the television in the living room here sucks and plays up the music more than the dialogue so watching movies out there is useless. AND I LOVE WATCHING MOVIES, mostly with people who haven't already seen or already love the movies I like to watch. Its more fun. Watching them alone after I've seen them a thousand times already isn't as fun. I miss holding movie night in my apartment where everyone hung out and shot the shit. I didn't even mind cleaning up afterwards.
Even Madison is boring.
There is only so much you can do.
Bars sure, its Wisconsin for god's sake but I'm sick of drinking right now and its a waste of cash. There is no scene ( that sounds stupid) and what I mean by that is there aren't and abundance of places where you can make new friends and acquaintances.
I miss the CC Club, Triple Rock Social Club, Hidden Beach, Lake Calhoun etc... places where you can meet like minded people. Yes i just mentioned a few bars but at the CC Club or the Triple Rock you don't need to be drinking to have a good time. All the Madison bars I have been to are too small to draw a crowd to meet anyone or they are college bars where the newly 21 are going to get shitfaced and aren't good company or you have the old drunks who are only interested in their beer. At the my fav MPLS bars you got to sit around and bullshit and have a good time while listening to good music and eat good greasy food. I miss the events like the Zombie pub crawl or the Doomtree Blowout at First Ave that made you feel a kinship to a large group in the city. Things like that make a place feel like "home".
As much as I hate the most flamboyant parts of the hipster crowd I wish there was a hipster crowd around here. Its so hypocritical I know but I much rather have to deal with the few fixie or tall bike riders who think they are better than everyone and get a diverse group of rad, like-minded people than have Nuevo-Deadheads, ringtone rap groupies or frat fucks that make up the majority of my age group around here. Of course you also have the Oxy freaks too which are aplenty but they usually stay in their drug dens so I can avoid them.
I miss my personal "Cheers" type places... you know... "where everybody knows your name and their always glad you came".
As much as there was always some sort of drama around my MPLS friends, I still loved being around them. They always had my back and I had theirs.
Here I only have my fiancee' who is fan-fucking-tastic and my buddy Adam and his fiancee' and my friend Jules but thats about it.
And I don't see any of them on a daily or semi-daily basis in some cases. Their jobs don't allow for spending alot of time together at the moment.
I've got drama though coming out the demon hole but that is more family drama, the worst kind.
I just really miss living in a big city where there is always something to do. Always somewhere to go, even if its just to walk around the neighborhood. Or its biking across town to see a local band.
The Madison basement show scene was shutdown years ago so its hard to see any good local bands, mostly just butt-rock bar bands. There are a few decent bands but they place so infrequently.
I loved getting to see D4 or In Defence play every few weeks or months.

I did hate the MPLS winters... parking restrictions... the job market... but it will not be any better here this winter.

Cannot wait to go to the San Diego area. Its big, there is a beach, roads and sidewalks aren't cracked and potholed from winter wear and tear so I'll be able to bike and longboard around all year long. There is a greater chance of finding new friends that hopefully will be comparable to my MPLS friends as far as having similar tastes in movies, music, or activities. Its never gonna be completely the same but I'm hoping that it is going to be full of new adventures and events like I had in MPLS, for better and for worse those memories were some of the best in my life and I wanna make new ones that are on par with the former.
Fingers crossed that I shall find work at a job that I don't hate and might actually really enjoy. I am going to be happy to be out there with Suzy, making new memories with her on the warm, beautiful west coast. We'll get to see Leif every once in a while too so thats a plus.
I am just hating being in this limbo point where I have no job, stuck in a small town, very few people to hang out with. Being here has actually INCREASED my level of anxiety, the last thing I thought it would do. The lack of great places to eat as well has made my stomach even worse as well.
I've realized I'm wired to be in a big city, I've been ruined by Minneapolis so now anything smaller just can't, just won't suffice anymore.

I could have spent the summer in Minneapolis, I could have, but I would have ran out of what little money I have left. I would have not gotten to see Suzy even remotely as much as I get to now. I was in a hurry to get to the next phase of my life, but its kind of ended up being a "hurry up and wait" situation. The only thing that makes it worth it is knowing I'm gonna get to get to the next phase with Suzy.
Otherwise I would be going fucking crazy here.
Well more so than I already am.
Hopefully I'll get some steady work to help pass the time I'm not with Suzy and allow me to save up to get the fuck outta here.
Just one more year... just one more year... just one more year...

Friday, August 6, 2010


Spent the last 4 days suffering from a allergic reaction from a mood stabilizer medication.
Woke up with a huge rash on my torso arms and head and feet but not really my legs for some reason.
It sucked.
It wasn't really all that itchy but it made me all extremely irritable and also made it hard to think. I was swollen in the lymph nodes and felt hot as hell but no tempeture.
Ended up taking a sheet of Benadryl and that hardly helped.
I had the worst time falling asleep but I could barely stay awake either so I was in this purgatory of wake and sleep.
I hope i never deal with a reaction like this again. It felt alot like Scarlet Fever which i had as i kid.

Feeling better. Finally.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

And thats the news in this neck of the woods...

Alot going on this past week.

Went out to the Frequency on Monday with Suzy and got wasted. Walked to Ian's Pizza for late night drunk food.
Tuesday was staying at home and relaxing.
Came back to Suzy's on Wednesday night.
Went with Adam and Danielle to the Warped Tour in Milwaukee. I had to get up fucking super early to be ready to leave by 9:30am.
Watched bits of: Emmure(sucked, too Limp Bizkit-y with death metal screams for my taste)
Left Alone( a hellcat records band)
Set Your Goals( Danielle wasn't digging them and they are better on album than live)
The Exposed( from the U.K.)
Riverboat Gamblers( waiting for Reel Big Fish to play)
Pennywise( which played on a offshoot stage, prolly since they have a new singer or to make room for The Cab to play on the main stage, not sure which)
Face to Face( caught the end of their set, never been a big fan anyway)
Andrew W.K.( only caught "Party Hard" and lemme tell ya, it was worth seeing that alone)

Saw full sets of:
Suicide Silence( meh )
The Casualties( always a fun set even though it never changes)
Every Time I Die( god I love Andy's new perm. Toughest perm I have seen. The Buckley bros are always high energy)
Alkaline Trio( Up front for this one and the band threw out alot of old songs into the setlist. Conveniently skipped over songs from Crimson and The Agony and Irony)
Dillinger Escape Plan( highlight of the day, bar none. CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS, I've got pictures of Ben shredding right above my head.)
Reel Big Fish ( we ended our day with their set and headed back to the car missing out on Sum 41 and Bring Me The Horizon, didn't care to see either band)

Friday I ran some errands and then took a nap on Suzy's couch waiting for her to get home from work so we could spend some time together relaxing before we met up with Adam and Danielle at the High Noon Saloon to see Lucero.
God they were awesome, we left with after an hour and a half of their two hour set because Suzy was hella worn out from her week and I was pretty drunk.

Which I've decided to quit drinking. I'm going to start with until Suzy's birthday Oct 18th. Thats a good two months to start. Not unreasonable. I don't think I really have a problem, its more of I need to give it a rest and know that I can stop for any length of time I choose. More of a will power test than anything. Being a Wisconsinite, we tend to not realize how much we actually drink.
I don't drink often but when I do go out, I get absolutely wasted, not blackout drunk but dumb and hungover drunk. Plus its a waste of money that I need to be saving to move and for the wedding. So I will stop for two months, then stop again until Thanksgiving, then again until New Years then maybe just stop all together if I so choose. I just wanna know I control it and it doesn't control me.

Yesterday was Christmas in July at Suzy's sister's house in DeForest. Most of her sisters were there along with significant others and her Mom and Stepdad. It was alot of fun, I hung out with the women folk because for some reason I tend to rather do that then do "the guy thing" or I'm just lazy and it was indoors with the AC on. I like to think the former rather than the latter.
Suzy spent the night last night and we watched some episodes of Dexter, which i got her hooked on.( Hooray me)
Today I got a nice surprise, to preface: I had a single strong pain killer to take when I go finish my back piece, because it was the only unbearable tattoo I have had so far.
So I had it in an old Xanax bottle that had some of my stronger Xanax in, which i rarely take because it isn't necessary very often. And I went to put that stuff in my new lock box for safe keeping but lo and behold it had been stolen and replaced with one of my very weak Xanax pills instead. To top it off a fair amount of my strong Xanax were also missing.
I am damn sure I know who took them and it isn't my brother (for once) or my aunt. It was someone who use to live here but left and has been a thorn in our family's side for a while now. She apparently has been coming here early in the morning when no one is home and knows that we don't lock some doors because the dogs need to go out during the day and is friendly with the dogs.
No way to prove it, but she sent some text messages to my mom that may have inadvertently hung herself by.
The worst part is EVERY SINGLE TIME Suzy spends the night some new drama bullshit ends up happening with my family. I'm afraid soon she isn't ever gonna wanna come over.
So that was what I discovered this afternoon.
Took Suzy up to see my mom's cabin for a bit, drove through the Wisconsin Dells then over to Portage to check our Goodwill and get some Mexican food.
And that about wraps up my week.

Next week I gotta see if I work Sunday since the schedule wasn't finished for that day last time I checked. I hope I do so I can make some money. And I need to take this week and find somewhere decent to work that needs people Tuesday through Friday. Good luck with that it seems. I hate working, but I hate not having a steady income even more.