Thursday, August 12, 2010

Oh lord, I hate being stuck in Lodi again....

I miss living in Minneapolis.
Moreover I miss living in Minneapolis in the summertime. Yes, I am happy I don't have to be paying rent right now since I don't have a steady income to support an apartment. This is the nice part of being back in Lodi but I am so bored. Nothing to do around here. Its got pretty scenery sure, but that doesn't keep my attention for very long. Not that I left my apartment alot towards the end of my tenure in MPLS but that was more due to trying to save money and well it was the end of winter and springtime I spent most of my time getting ready to move or visiting my, at the time future, fiancee'.
I spend far too much of my time in my room playing video games or watching TV. I don't really even watch movies anymore because there isn't anyone to watch them with and the television in the living room here sucks and plays up the music more than the dialogue so watching movies out there is useless. AND I LOVE WATCHING MOVIES, mostly with people who haven't already seen or already love the movies I like to watch. Its more fun. Watching them alone after I've seen them a thousand times already isn't as fun. I miss holding movie night in my apartment where everyone hung out and shot the shit. I didn't even mind cleaning up afterwards.
Even Madison is boring.
There is only so much you can do.
Bars sure, its Wisconsin for god's sake but I'm sick of drinking right now and its a waste of cash. There is no scene ( that sounds stupid) and what I mean by that is there aren't and abundance of places where you can make new friends and acquaintances.
I miss the CC Club, Triple Rock Social Club, Hidden Beach, Lake Calhoun etc... places where you can meet like minded people. Yes i just mentioned a few bars but at the CC Club or the Triple Rock you don't need to be drinking to have a good time. All the Madison bars I have been to are too small to draw a crowd to meet anyone or they are college bars where the newly 21 are going to get shitfaced and aren't good company or you have the old drunks who are only interested in their beer. At the my fav MPLS bars you got to sit around and bullshit and have a good time while listening to good music and eat good greasy food. I miss the events like the Zombie pub crawl or the Doomtree Blowout at First Ave that made you feel a kinship to a large group in the city. Things like that make a place feel like "home".
As much as I hate the most flamboyant parts of the hipster crowd I wish there was a hipster crowd around here. Its so hypocritical I know but I much rather have to deal with the few fixie or tall bike riders who think they are better than everyone and get a diverse group of rad, like-minded people than have Nuevo-Deadheads, ringtone rap groupies or frat fucks that make up the majority of my age group around here. Of course you also have the Oxy freaks too which are aplenty but they usually stay in their drug dens so I can avoid them.
I miss my personal "Cheers" type places... you know... "where everybody knows your name and their always glad you came".
As much as there was always some sort of drama around my MPLS friends, I still loved being around them. They always had my back and I had theirs.
Here I only have my fiancee' who is fan-fucking-tastic and my buddy Adam and his fiancee' and my friend Jules but thats about it.
And I don't see any of them on a daily or semi-daily basis in some cases. Their jobs don't allow for spending alot of time together at the moment.
I've got drama though coming out the demon hole but that is more family drama, the worst kind.
I just really miss living in a big city where there is always something to do. Always somewhere to go, even if its just to walk around the neighborhood. Or its biking across town to see a local band.
The Madison basement show scene was shutdown years ago so its hard to see any good local bands, mostly just butt-rock bar bands. There are a few decent bands but they place so infrequently.
I loved getting to see D4 or In Defence play every few weeks or months.

I did hate the MPLS winters... parking restrictions... the job market... but it will not be any better here this winter.

Cannot wait to go to the San Diego area. Its big, there is a beach, roads and sidewalks aren't cracked and potholed from winter wear and tear so I'll be able to bike and longboard around all year long. There is a greater chance of finding new friends that hopefully will be comparable to my MPLS friends as far as having similar tastes in movies, music, or activities. Its never gonna be completely the same but I'm hoping that it is going to be full of new adventures and events like I had in MPLS, for better and for worse those memories were some of the best in my life and I wanna make new ones that are on par with the former.
Fingers crossed that I shall find work at a job that I don't hate and might actually really enjoy. I am going to be happy to be out there with Suzy, making new memories with her on the warm, beautiful west coast. We'll get to see Leif every once in a while too so thats a plus.
I am just hating being in this limbo point where I have no job, stuck in a small town, very few people to hang out with. Being here has actually INCREASED my level of anxiety, the last thing I thought it would do. The lack of great places to eat as well has made my stomach even worse as well.
I've realized I'm wired to be in a big city, I've been ruined by Minneapolis so now anything smaller just can't, just won't suffice anymore.

I could have spent the summer in Minneapolis, I could have, but I would have ran out of what little money I have left. I would have not gotten to see Suzy even remotely as much as I get to now. I was in a hurry to get to the next phase of my life, but its kind of ended up being a "hurry up and wait" situation. The only thing that makes it worth it is knowing I'm gonna get to get to the next phase with Suzy.
Otherwise I would be going fucking crazy here.
Well more so than I already am.
Hopefully I'll get some steady work to help pass the time I'm not with Suzy and allow me to save up to get the fuck outta here.
Just one more year... just one more year... just one more year...


  1. I too really hope that we can go through this fast. I feel your frustration, only on the opposite end. I hope that you can get a call back from UPS or something. Make new friends, feel a like you belong to something. I feel extremely guilty that you are back home when you could easily be in San Diego right now.

    ps i like your new background

  2. thank you but i still couldn't be in San Diego right now, I'd have needed to save some cash, at best i would be in San Diego by february, a few more months doesn't matter since i get to go with you.

  3. awww... well thank you for not blaming me doll. I don't want to be the cause to your wooos

  4. you aren't part of my problems, trust me, far from it sweetpea