Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ok So Fuck It... Finally Breaking News...

I think all the essential players have been notified at this point. This is for anyone that is important but has been kept in the dark for any number of reasons.

Suzy and I are having a baby.
We are about 7 weeks pregnant.
I've been really nervous/excited/worried/happy about it all.
There is so much growing up that I need to do. I'm doing my best but I still am slightly in my selfish state of mind, a way of thinking that I need to fully abandon oh so quickly.
I'm trying, I really am, but I'm finding it very hard to be a real adult.
Its really scary to think that soon I'm gonna have someone who will ALWAYS be dependent on me to do things for them. Hell, I'm still dependent on my mom.
I mean I work a job as basically a "car janitor". Instead of cleaning toilets I clean cars. And I haven't been paid this low since I was in high school.
Feels like I'm gonna fail at supporting a little one.
Please don't say something about having a college degree equals better paying job opportunities because almost everyone I know who has a college degree is making about as much as I am at a job that ISN'T what they went to school for. So I don't buy that line of thinking, I just don't have a mountain of debt while working this low paying job.
I'm also very worried that there is going to be something wrong with the child, health or development-wise. Mostly because my sense of humor tends to skew towards the sick and morbid. I laugh at things that I know aren't suppose to be funny, so I'm actually really afraid that karma is gonna come back and bite me big time by giving my child flippers instead of normal arms or some huge disability as a big cosmic "fuck you" for making light of things that don't warrant it. Might be a tad irrational in my reasoning for being worried but to me its a legit concern.

I am extremely excited because I've wanted to have a child for years now and I think if besides financial constraints, I'm probably at my peak age for being the best parent I'm gonna ever be. I've done my partying and stuff so I won't feel jaded that I missed out on some part of my life and I am not too old that I won't be able to connect with my child because the age gap is too much.
Plus I have amassed such a large array of useful and useless knowledge that my child will know a lot of random information. I know Suzy gets bored hearing it, so hopefully the child will eat it up.

Its gonna be great to teach my kid what good music is. I don't think I will allow the radio in my house since Clear Channel poisons everyone with the same 40 songs ad nauseum and MTV doesn't really play music anymore, I will (hopefully) end up being the one to influence my child's musical tastes. I want my child to be the only kindergartener to know the words to Jimmy Cliff and NoFx songs better than "the wheels on the bus". That would make me such a proud papa.
The diapers and puke stuff scares me since I have a quick gag reflex for gross stuff but I think that I will get use to it or at the very least be able to tolerate it until no more need for diapers and the kid knows to puke in the toilet when he/she is sick.

Personally I am hoping for a boy, simply because I know what its like to be a boy and there isn't a "princess phase", well might be depending either way I guess. There isn't a slutty clothes phase with boys either and you don't have to worry about boys getting knocked up and then getting ditched. There is just more of a propensity towards violence with boys, kids fighting, bullying etc... since our society tends to reenforce that Violence=Masculinity. That will be a tough current to swim against but one I am willing to do.
Its not that I would be disappointed if we have a girl in any way, its just a different set of challenges, some that I am ill-equipped to handle.
One thing either way I know I have to do is teach my child a good work ethic, thats something I never really learned and it probably explains a lot of the bad stuff in my life. So chores/helping around the house will be a big thing very early in life. If that sticks it will translate to a better shot at doing well in school and beyond.
Side note: hopefully math comes easy to our child because I for one, am terrible at anything past basic third grade math, everything after I get lost.
So yeah...
Anyway.
If everything goes right and the child stays in the oven until fully cooked, come April or so I am gonna be a papa.

UPDATE 9-22-10: The due date has been forecast for April 24th. 7 months and two days if the doctor is more accurate than the weatherman.
If its a boy I'm on a major campaign for the name to be Nesta Westerberg Kenworthy. I'm getting some hella resistance on this front though.

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