Sunday, December 19, 2010

Beginning to get to the good parts...

Just thinking about it and I can't believe how much has changed in about a years time. In some ways I'm a completely different person and in others I just the same ol' midwestern shitshow.
This time last year I was reveling in my single status. A few days off having an irish whiskey fueled christmas themed horror movie marathon and Rock Band 2 sing off late into the night.
Tonight instead I spent my day off of work hanging pictures, cleaning the apartment and shopping with my 5 and a half months pregnant fiancee' (which if anyone didn't know, the engagement came first). I did get to play some Rock Band with my future sister in law and her husband so killing it on fake instruments is a bleed-through of my former life.
Traded in big lights, big city of the Mini-apple for the dim street lights and low key nights in Sun Prairie, Wisco.
The anxiety and panic attacks are a constant.
A year ago on any given night I could have been found in one of three places, The CC Club, The Triple Rock Social Club or my couch in my apartment.
These days you will find me climbing around the insides of rental cars cleaning up the used coffee cups and used kleenexes of businessmen and women. If not there then I can still be found in my apartment on the couch.
I've traded in packed living rooms filled with Surly beer, drunken conversations and double feature movie nights.
Now its video games after work til midnight then sleeping til 10:30am then out the door by 1:20pm for work.
It was nice to have the life of leisure but as much as I'd rather be in a different line of work I do like earning a paycheck.
Absolutely there is no way in the world that last year I would be able to say to anyone that in a few short months I would be experiencing fatherhood.
The strangest thing I think for me is since I found out I would have a Lucia Phair on my hands I have lost my desire to drink.
A year ago I was drinking like a fish and these days I might get a flash of an idea that I beer would sound good but then it fades as quickly as it comes. Probably couldn't sound more cheesy but I think knowing I have a daughter on the way and I'm gonna have someone in my life that won't leave, atleast not for 18 years or so, has filled some hole in myself that nothing else seemed to plug up.
Suzy has been a huge positive influence in my life. Sure I had my fun with some random heroes that would follow me home after Triple Double Tuesday or as I walked out of the CC Club but I've found myself a peach.
You can bet the hormone attacks she has can be a bit testing but its absolutely worth it in the long run and the are only temporary.
She treats me better than I deserve, more than I've been treated in I can't remember how long. Its so odd to me sometimes that I slip back into my old defensive ways when I don't even need to. I'm so use to being told I'm wrong in a relationship whether I am or not that I assume I need to defend myself when there isn't a need. Old habits can be hard to break.

I only wish I were back where I was a year ago in just two instances
1: my friends. I miss my MPLS friends. Always knowing that if I wanted to there would be at the very least one person I could call up and catch a beer or a movie with. I don't think, save for two people, I've ever known or had so many loyal guys and gals surrounding me. It was an incredible feeling. I loved being in crew. Never felt that before.
2: I miss MPLS straight up. I miss wandering around the city, I miss always having a show to go to or a bar that I would run into any number of people that I could pull up a seat and shoot the shit with.
I loved the glow of the downtown lights, midnight showings at the Uptown, bike rides to the west bank.
If I could move my new life into a sweet pad in the Mini-Apple and then move Murder-apolis to the edge of the ocean I would be living the best life I could dream of.
Maybe somehow that might happen in the future in some form or fashion. Fingers crossed.
Right now I'm living in a pretty rad point in my life. I wanna sit and savor it a bit though the money situation could hurry up and get better but that is of small concern to me compared to all the great things I'm enjoying right now.

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