Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Secret songs wrapped in boxes that you keep...

This song fits my mood right now.

Friday, December 24, 2010

It feels like summer in October...

I'm not a traditional person.
Probably shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who has known me for any length of time.

and I want to "$100 Groom" by Paul Westerberg played at my wedding.

Listen to either and you start to get an idea of what I'm talking about.
Not to mention that I find the movie "True Romance" infinitely more romantic than some drivel like "The Notebook".
Those are scratches on the surface of what make me not a traditional person.
I just don't see the sense in following what is "normal" for the sake of status quo. Doesn't interest me. I'd rather watch christmas themed horror movies than "A Christmas Story".
I have a tendency to take the easy route that ends up being the hard road. For instance, college, it just wasn't for me. I tried to 2 and a half semesters and I did well enough but I was bored out of my mind even in the classes that I have interest in, like Sociology and Pop Culture in the 21st Century. I do better reading and learning about things that interest me on my own time. Granted this way I'm not going to get an degree to put on my resume but I get more out of it learning at my own pace.

I've always said that I'd rather be happy than rich and since I don't have that college degree I don't really have the option to get rich and I'm ok with that. I can't say that I'm happy at my current job but it works for now and I'm always on the look out for something that will make me happier.
Its much more interesting to take the scenic route anyway.

Religion is another area where I don't take much stock into tradition. Christmas isn't my cup o tea. Mostly its the consumerism that has taken eaten up the idea of family that seemed to be the biggest reason to celebrate the holiday. That and the fact that once religion has used it to assert its dominance over every other which I don't agree with. Not that I side with one religion or another, well I guess that's the reason it bothers me, because I don't think one is more correct than any other. I don't like having one religion's beliefs thrown into my face every way I turn.
Some people seem to have a problem with the fact that I don't subscribe to any religious beliefs. I all I can think is why the fuck is it important. Maybe because I don't plan on raising my child within religion. If she chooses later on in life to post up with one then that's her choice. She could be a Scientologist for all i care but I have no desire to push her into anything. As long as I teach her to be respectful and kind then that is all the religion I'm concerned with.

I'm kind of rambling, I'm having a hard time keeping my train of thought since "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" is on. I had this well thought out ahead of time. Ah well. I doubt I've said anything the way I meant to. Bring on St Patty's day.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Beginning to get to the good parts...

Just thinking about it and I can't believe how much has changed in about a years time. In some ways I'm a completely different person and in others I just the same ol' midwestern shitshow.
This time last year I was reveling in my single status. A few days off having an irish whiskey fueled christmas themed horror movie marathon and Rock Band 2 sing off late into the night.
Tonight instead I spent my day off of work hanging pictures, cleaning the apartment and shopping with my 5 and a half months pregnant fiancee' (which if anyone didn't know, the engagement came first). I did get to play some Rock Band with my future sister in law and her husband so killing it on fake instruments is a bleed-through of my former life.
Traded in big lights, big city of the Mini-apple for the dim street lights and low key nights in Sun Prairie, Wisco.
The anxiety and panic attacks are a constant.
A year ago on any given night I could have been found in one of three places, The CC Club, The Triple Rock Social Club or my couch in my apartment.
These days you will find me climbing around the insides of rental cars cleaning up the used coffee cups and used kleenexes of businessmen and women. If not there then I can still be found in my apartment on the couch.
I've traded in packed living rooms filled with Surly beer, drunken conversations and double feature movie nights.
Now its video games after work til midnight then sleeping til 10:30am then out the door by 1:20pm for work.
It was nice to have the life of leisure but as much as I'd rather be in a different line of work I do like earning a paycheck.
Absolutely there is no way in the world that last year I would be able to say to anyone that in a few short months I would be experiencing fatherhood.
The strangest thing I think for me is since I found out I would have a Lucia Phair on my hands I have lost my desire to drink.
A year ago I was drinking like a fish and these days I might get a flash of an idea that I beer would sound good but then it fades as quickly as it comes. Probably couldn't sound more cheesy but I think knowing I have a daughter on the way and I'm gonna have someone in my life that won't leave, atleast not for 18 years or so, has filled some hole in myself that nothing else seemed to plug up.
Suzy has been a huge positive influence in my life. Sure I had my fun with some random heroes that would follow me home after Triple Double Tuesday or as I walked out of the CC Club but I've found myself a peach.
You can bet the hormone attacks she has can be a bit testing but its absolutely worth it in the long run and the are only temporary.
She treats me better than I deserve, more than I've been treated in I can't remember how long. Its so odd to me sometimes that I slip back into my old defensive ways when I don't even need to. I'm so use to being told I'm wrong in a relationship whether I am or not that I assume I need to defend myself when there isn't a need. Old habits can be hard to break.

I only wish I were back where I was a year ago in just two instances
1: my friends. I miss my MPLS friends. Always knowing that if I wanted to there would be at the very least one person I could call up and catch a beer or a movie with. I don't think, save for two people, I've ever known or had so many loyal guys and gals surrounding me. It was an incredible feeling. I loved being in crew. Never felt that before.
2: I miss MPLS straight up. I miss wandering around the city, I miss always having a show to go to or a bar that I would run into any number of people that I could pull up a seat and shoot the shit with.
I loved the glow of the downtown lights, midnight showings at the Uptown, bike rides to the west bank.
If I could move my new life into a sweet pad in the Mini-Apple and then move Murder-apolis to the edge of the ocean I would be living the best life I could dream of.
Maybe somehow that might happen in the future in some form or fashion. Fingers crossed.
Right now I'm living in a pretty rad point in my life. I wanna sit and savor it a bit though the money situation could hurry up and get better but that is of small concern to me compared to all the great things I'm enjoying right now.

Monday, December 13, 2010

baby daughter and a burrito baby..

Today was a jittery and nervous and exciting day. If you have read the baby's blog then you already know why.
I'm officially having a daughter.
I knew all along that she was gonna be a girl. Everyone kept telling me she was actually a boy but i knew better. Some of it was that I was preparing myself so I wouldn't feel disappointed that I wasn't having a boy because when I set my mind to something if anything else happens that isn't what I had in mind I do get disappointed. That was the last feeling I wanted to have when it comes to my child.
I was so happy to call my mom since its been a dream of hers to have a daughter so a granddaughter is probably the next best thing. She needed some good news and I was glad to give her some.
Suzy's mom came with us to the appointment and it was hilarious listening to her ask questions, the technition was amused by her too, like her question of " so are those boy kidney's or girl kidney's?" while measurements were being taken.
I'm nervous for all I am going to be in for in the next 18 years or so. I gotta practice being the over-protective father who intimidates all the boyfriends. Worrying about her having a bad body image. Cruel girls treating her bad and all those other things that are so hard to protect her from.
I am going to try my damnedest to teach her respect and work ethic and politeness. The last thing I want is for her to be a spoiled brat. It was pointed out to me that atleast we get to avoid the whole circumcision decision.
I hope against hope that she picks up on my geekiness, love of music and movies and comic books. It would be pretty rad.
So yeah, how about that snowstorm. I didn't get have to go to work because of it, that was nice but other than that there isn't much else to say about it.
Not looking forward to working tomorrow in the super cold weather for 8 hours.

I busted out Rock Band today before the Dr. apt. to clear my mind and avoid the nervousness. Well I totally forgot just how bad of a singer I really am. I still love to sing piss-poorly but its gotta be torture for anyone to listen to, especially sober hahahaha.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Suzy says gingers can't be tough guys...

It feels so good.
Good to have a real home, yes i know, its actually an apartment but it feels like a home. Its cozy and plenty of spaces for relaxation. We have the huge ass bed, the baby's room is being to slowly come together ( its gonna double as a guest room too when need be).

Last night I took the opportunity to take a respite from unpacking and getting stuff in order to go with Adam and Danielle to the High Noon Saloon to see the last show of the tour for Doomtree. I gotta say Sims, Mike Mictlan, P.O.S. and Dessa killed it. Cecil Otter was good but he hung back a lot and wasn't really into it. It was a total rad show. Made me miss my MPLS friends. I could just imagine rockin' the show with Emily, Boston and Anna. Also brought back memories of the Doomtree Blowout I went to with Anna last year. Would also have been nice if Suzy could have gone too but after doing so much unpacking she was worn out and needed to have some relaxation time and enjoy the place to herself for a while.

Had a doctor's appointment today, it went well, I liked the doctor. She seemed like she was talking "with me" not talking "at me". Thats hard to find in a DR. now days.

I have a six day work week this week so I can have saturday the 18th off for Suzy's mom's kids christmas. Otherwise as I've done most of my working life, I am working christmas eve and day. Which is fine, I'm not a christmas person.
Though I do get New Years eve and day off plus I should have that sunday and monday off too so four days total. MAYBE just MAYBE I can find a way to make it a Minneapolis New Years trip if Suzy could get the time off too.

Oh and just a for everyone's benefit do not watch Jonah Hex. Its horrible. So bad in fact that I turned it off halfway through and I can sit through pretty much any shit movie. Its not so shitty its good, its so shitty its just plain shitty.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

When you married to gay penguins...

Well we are freshly in the new apartment and it is super amazing.
I love it. Lemme say it again, I love it.
I should be in bed right now since I have to get up at 9am to move all my crap from my mom's house. Its gonna be great to finally put my dvds back in order. AND get my tv off the floor but especially I get my big ass bed back. I miss it so much.
Thats sad but true.
Then on saturday morning its more moving, this time its getting all Suzy's stuff but totally atleast I have her family helping me get her stuff out of the old apartment.
THEN FINALLY WE WILL BE DONE and we can decorate the apartment.
Plus this next four days off is going to be amazing. I am so worn out from moving stuff then working all in one day.
Ok my brain cannot function right now, i'm going to bed.