Bahhh, I'm sick of waiting.
I shouldn't be but I am. I know what I'm in store for, sleepless nights, crying (hopefully not me), dirty diapers, doctors appointments, all that jazz but still I would rather get the show on the road than sit around twiddling my thumbs.
I hate not having control of a situation. It drives me crazy. And my daughter does not want to cooperate. She seems to be content staying where she is. We've heard and tried all the "old wives tales" and yes we have also heard that "the first one is always late" but still I like to have a plan for things, the car is already packed, her room is set up now we just need HER.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know already that I am not going to be able to plan anything anymore. "Kids throw a monkey wrench into all the plans" blah blah.
Doesn't mean it doesn't bother the living shit out of me that I have no idea or when she is arriving.
Plus constantly being asked about it and then trying to plan my work schedule for the coming week or two. Its fucking frustrating. Suzy's annoyed. I'm annoyed.
And the last thing I want to be is annoyed with this situation. I wanna be so happy and up beat and excited but its just so hard when we have our hopes up that she will come soon and nothing is happening. No progress.
So please don't ask me anything more about the baby. I'll talk about the baby when she is here. I can't take anymore of the questions.
Probably isn't helping either that I can't afford the medication I was taking that helped calm my moods so I wasn't so anxious/nervous/panicky. I had to switch to a cheaper medication that I only took once because I had side effects that are no conducive to not having a plan of action. Without any TMI basically taking the new med destroyed my digestive system and made me feel like i had the flu for the next day.
I am going to try and take it again and let it work through my system once we are back from the hospital and things have settled down some.
But right now I'm kind of rudderless so my emotions are bouncing off the walls of myself.
I have my fingers crossed as tight as I can get em that I'll be accepted for SSDI so I'll have good insurance again and can afford my meds and doctor appointments.
How amazing would that be.
Other than that, I've just been working part-time as an Assistant manager at a clothing store. Its cool that I got promoted so fast. I'm trying my best but sometimes its really hard to be super chipper and motivated to sell people stuff. I usually pick a couple things that I would personally buy and just push those items. That works the best for me, we don't get commission so its not like I have to throw my arms around the neck of every customer which would nauseate me to no end if I had to. I probably sound like a broken record whenever anyone comes in there. Atleast I have gotten past the sounding like I'm reading a script phase.
So the job is pretty decent.
My knee has been just destroyed though, I've even took to wearing a knee brace while I work but to no avail. Its really sad because I don't think I'm going to be able to do much biking this summer and I don't see my longboard getting any use either because the knee that's killing me is on the leg that I use to push off with.
Wow, I haven't bitched this much on this blog in a while. I spose it's all just been building up and I hit the "vent" button.
Damn do I ever need it. Though probably not the smartest to vent on a site that anyone can access. It'll get overblown or used against me somehow. I've noticed that the internet is ripe with that. Somehow I just don't give a shit. It feels nice to lay it all out in written word in front of me.
Speaking of written word, I haven't made any progress in the "short story or whatever it end up" project. Still at like 19 pages I think. I haven't had any sparks to continue it as of late. Maybe its because I'm working on the " www.podsorgods.blogspot.com " a bit more though that slowed some as there isn't a whole lot of interesting info worth telling people about. Here and there I find something entertainment-wise that I like or relates to the Midwest area that is worth a rant or two. Meh. Its a hobby.
Ok I'm gonna make like Lucia should be doing and head out.