Thursday, February 24, 2011

International Wordage Blockade.

Major case of writer's block.
There are plenty of topics I could go on a rant about but I don't wanna start some big argument amongst the people I know or who read this. And I'm sick of all the tensions that have been building in this neck of the woods in the past week or week and a half.
I'm just trying to survive the random panic attacks and the fear of impending fatherhood. That latter is normal and I'm sure will pass and the former is also become somewhat normalcy not that I want it to be.
I'm trying to combat all this with keeping my mind busy with video games and rewatching the entire Lost series. To try and burn off extra nervous energy I'm lifting my one 20 pound weight and doing push ups. It helps slightly but anything to help is a plus.

Valentines Day was good. Getting out to go see Against Me! with Suzy was a good distraction as well.

I'm hoping that i'm done burning off some bad karma for right now and some blessings in disguise will emerge soon.
Until then I'm just gonna keep on pluggin along and do my best to manage and maintain to the best of my ability.
Thats all I got cuz i'm about to hit this writer's block wall again. I've got nothing sassy or witty to add to this. Check back some other time when I might have something more entertaining to read.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Ramble on...

So I've found myself a new hobby.
Its something I've kicked around in my head for a while and I'm beginning to actually focus and have actually embarked on this adventure.
Ok, well what the hell am I talking about?
A story.
Well it might someday be a book, or a short story or novella or who the fuck really knows. Maybe I'll lose interest and abandon it. Dunno but its something.
I can write somewhat well in short burst, very well suited for the blog world but working on a real narrative... thats a freaky thing.
Verbally I'm a terrible storyteller because I get tripped up on my thoughts vs my tongue. They like to fight each other. Or I get distracted and lose what I was thinking and it blows away in the wind.
In contrast, when I write I can pour out what is in my head then make sense of it after the fact.

I have a feeling that whatever this writing project I am working on might end up reading like a Seinfeld episode where it's a bunch of nothing really happens.
My stories tend to be anti-climactic. I have a hard time maintaining any sort of story arc, in high school I could bullshit my way through anywhere between 4 to 8 pages but anything more than that and I would falter but so far I have 9 pages written.
At this point my mind is a buzz with ideas of what to write but getting it in any discernible order might be some trouble.
My grammar and punctuation skills will be put to the test. God knows how many run on sentences I can rattle off. Might even be whole chapters that are not much more than one rambling sentence with shit-ton of commas to keep it rolling. That'll be the point in which I'll come to someone for editing advice.
No one is going to read it until I really get balls deep into the story. I won't even let Suzy read it until I feel its anything worth the effort. That could very well be years at the pace I'm going. Hopefully I'll get inspired with a burst of wordage soon. Right now its just piecing the ideas into a functioning narrative.
My literary heroes make it seem so easy, I do get worried that I might be too verbose or sound like I'm trying to hard to sound smart or witty. Charles Bukowski layed it out plain as can be, Chuck Klosterman oozes wit without making it seem like it takes a second thought, and Chuck Palahniuk's better work can blindside you with a twist in the story arc that is just... well... intimidating. I don't have any illusions that I would be compared them in any glowing way. I just hope against hope that if and when I finish this project that it won't read like a second rate version of those I hold in high esteem. It's a hard thing to fathom that I could very well pour my heart and soul into something and it turn out to be absolute drivel but you have to take those atoms this life makes up and set them in motion to create energy, some sort of explosion. I'm slightly nervous to read anything from now on so it doesn't inadvertently glom on to my way of thinking and influence whatever I put down. I'm sure that I'm already tainted but if I can focus that into finding my own voice then we may have a winner winner and a I may even get a chicken dinner.

I'm just happy that I am finally starting this. Small start but it's a purpose.