Wednesday, June 29, 2011

You look like someone just shook up your ant farm...

You know that saying "if it's yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down"?
Well I can't fucking stand it when its yellow from a lady. Why would the gender matter?
Because girls or this specific girl at work I should say tends to leave this pile of wet used slightly canary yellow mound of used tissue paper in the front of the toilet like a papery beached whale. So when I go in to use the bathroom I have to use my stream to push it out to sea.
I find it highly disgusting.
How do I know its this particular girl? Well never happens unless she is working.
Actually I really hate it when people don't flush. Its not like we are on a tour bus or some place where it needs to be pumped. Yuck.
Speaking of work
So I took myself down to a lower position at work. I couldn't deal with the gossiping and snotty notes left instead of flat out talking to me in person. I didn't dig how all of that was adding to my anxiety and stress, I'm already ungodly tired just from taking care of Lucia (even if Suzy is the one who really bears the brunt of the child care, its still exhausting) then I come to work and get pissy notes on how I don't do anything correctly but it isn't mentioned when I am face to face with my supervisor.
I hate that I will be making less money but I will have more chances for flexability in my schedule and my anxiety level should be considerably lower. Yes, yes, I know that I need to find something that does a better job at supporting my family and I am open to that but Suzy and I are still planning on some time in the somewhat near future moving(fingers crossed for Austin TX) so I do not want to get held up in a job that requires a large commitment of time when I may leave shortly after. It won't look good on my resume so I'm going to do my best to stick it out here so that when I do go for a new job it shows that I can last at somewhere longer than 4 months, even if I am somewhat unhappy there. I don't have a college degree so longevity has to be one of my attributes to stand out when interviewing for other jobs in the future.

Other than that, I took Lucia for her first small trip without Suzy in the car. Just to the west side of Madison to my doctor's and back. She did very well. Then on Tuesday I had to take her to her doctors so she could get her jabs of vaccine. She DID NOT like that. Her scream sounded alot like a fire engine. Piercing and blood curdling. Glad I was there and not Suzy or I woulda had two crying women to deal with.

Thats the extent of my world right now. enjoy. I am trying to.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

There's a thunderstorm in your soul...

Happy Birthday Ash or I should clarify, Bruce Campbell. Thank you for so many awesome and even for the awesomely bad movies. In celebration I have added a "Evil Dead" movie poster that hangs right above Lucia's crib in hopes that she will come to appreciate him in all his large chinned glory as much as I do.

Looks like Suzy is coming down with something so I have to play SuperDad tonight and probably for the next couple of days til she starts feeling better. Gonna have to wake up hella early for a feeding after staying up late tonight. Then I am so privileged to work an eight hour shift though my job is far from hard, more monotonous than anything. Then come back to be Superdad, rock a morning shift at the mall then hopefully some rest.

I got Suzy to play me in some Mortal Kombat last night. It was actually alot of fun even though she lost a bunch but I bet after some practice she'll start kicking my ass.

I've been feeling mildly better as far as mood goes these days. I think its due to Lucia getting more personable and smiley and far far less cranky each day. That is a big help. Still get my panic fits pretty regularly but I'm living with em best I can do right now.
Saw the Dr. for a quick diagnosis for possible SSDI and I was totally surprised at the fact that so little was done at the appointment. It was a quick in and out visit that I don't think really even checked out what is wrong with me. It was much more akin to a sobriety test than to check to see how severe my digestion issues actually are. So who the hell knows with that.

I would really love to go for a ride on my bike or even to take my longboard out for a small amount of time. I hate being stuck in the house so much of time. It would be nice to take Lucy places more often but I feel so limited, I only can get through work because otherwise we'd have no place to live.
Ok, ok, enough pissing and moaning, even I can only take listening to myself complain for so long, everyone else must be absolutely sick of it. haha.

I am really looking forward to trying to, despite the anxiety and panic stuff, get up to MPLS to see everyone as well as get some tattoo work done by Miss Arson(Emily). I've seen her work progress and she has come along way from her work on my Mario tattoo which I love but needs touching up to the work she is doing now. Glad I got to be one of her guinea pigs. Can't wait to get some more done sooner rather than later.

The thunderstorms were pretty cool last night though I do love it when it is accompanied by much more lightning with the downpours. As long as it doesn't knock out power in my area I am more than happy to watch massive storms rumble through. Easily one of the best parts of summertime are the storms .

Monday, June 20, 2011

Any Day Above Ground is a Good Day.

Is it sad that I actually want to see "The Green Lantern"? It looks pretty dumb but yet I still wanna see it. hmmm... as far as comic book geek-dom goes I am not that familiar with the Green Lantern's backstory or villains except for what I saw in the Justice League cartoon that played a few years back on TV. Plus Ryan Reynolds just looks ridiculous as a superhero. I could buy him as Deadpool because well, Deadpool is ridiculous on purpose but otherwise just doesn't seem like the type.
AND I even sorta want to watch the new Transformers! What the hell is wrong with me? My tastes in movies have really started changing. I am much more into watching mindless movies over cerebral films these days. I did watch and really enjoy The King's Speech but more often than not in the past year/ year and a half I've preferred Rambo or some terrible Michael Bay junk to indie flicks. Like right now I'm half watching XXX with Vin Diesel on netflix instant instead of a ton of other more interesting movies that are on my queue.
I feel kinda dirty. Ahhhhh well.
So today I'm spending the whole day with Lucia since Suzy is having her first day back to work. Right now she is napping in her little lamb side swing. The one that takes 4 fuckin D batteries to run which last maybe two weeks at most. I wonder if they make rechargeable D batteries? I should check and see. Would save me alot of money since its the easiest way to get Lucia to calm down or nap.
Suzy and Lucia got me a really nice pair of blueish, brownish, and black stone 3/4th plugs for my ears for Father's Day. The look pretty sharp when I put them in.
Still don't FEEL like a dad yet. I mean I have all the responsibilities but for some reason it's like I'm babysitting someone else kid for a really extended period of time. Maybe when she starts talking or walking and consciously comes to me is when it will finally sink in.
I dunno.
Go to the Dr. tomorrow to get looked at for my stomach. The only thing that sucks is that in the past two weeks I've gained 5 pounds from my new "head meds". Thats not bad in and of itself but I lost close to 30 pounds since this time last year from my stomach issues and anxiety and I don't want my SSDI claim to be ruined because a medicine made me gain weight when all the problems still exist. Hopefully the doc will see that I am dealing with some real problems and help me out. We'll see I guess.
I'm trying to adopt a new mantra to keep me in better spirits..."Any day above ground is a good day" it works I think. 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Babies, Hostel, Work. What else do you expect.

Got some time during nighttime baby duty to do a catch up blog, well that and watch Hostel. Even though I'm not really watching Hostel as much as listening to it and glancing up at it from time to time.
Lucy is getting slightly easier to predict by the day. Her patterns of sleep and levels of grumpiness are much easier to anticipate. Though sometimes she throws a curveball at us, its not nearly as bad as the first few weeks.
I've been reading "Punk Rock Dad" by the former lead singer of Pennywise. It helps to read about the trials and tribulations of raising a daughter somewhat non-traditionally from a guy's point of view. Helps to relate a bit.
Anyways
Suzy and Lucia(by proxy) got me a great pair of stone plugs for Father's day. Yeah its early but neither Suzy nor I can wait til the actual occasion to give presents. Both of us are gonna have to learn better how to when it comes to birthday and christmas presents for Lucia.
I've just been accepted to start writing for a music/movies/other random pop culture blog that is based out of the Twin Cities called Switchbladecomb. I'm kind of excited since I have been keeping tabs on it since they started a few years ago and two of the founding contributing writers I know. It means I'm going to shelf PodsOrgODS for a while but I'm fine with that right now since this has a larger readership so I feel like I'm actually writing for a real audience.
Thus far I've only done one post but I will slowly start adding more to this site as the days and weeks move ahead.
Work. Well work is getting stressful since my selling prowess seems to be in question as well as my status as assistant manager for the reason that I have to have somewhat of a set schedule now that Suzy is heading back to work and we want to avoid having to find a permanent babysitter for Lucia right now. If we had to find a full time babysitter my entire paycheck would have to paying for that so then it would bring up the question of "why work at all?" I could just watch her at home full time and have the same amount of money. My boss is trying to help by scheduling me around Suzy's work hours but we'll see how long that lasts. Otherwise I'll get busted down to "senior brand rep" which is less money but much much less responsibility and pressure so there are good and bad to that as well. More money is winning out at this point.
Plus it sucks cuz one of the brand reps that I really enjoyed working with got a job elsewhere and will be leave this week. Lamesauce.

I've finally got a Dr. appointment for my digestive ailments via Social Security Disability Insurance. Its more to deem my ailments worthy of compensation or to see if I'm fit as a fiddle and they can deny my claim. I am no where near fine and dandy and hopefully the Doc i see agrees. The sucky part is its in Beaver Dam which I've never been to and its at 8am. I am so absolutely not a morning person. I'll be so out of it and tired. But its worth it overall.

Hmmm... not sure what else is new. Just same ole' same ole', sitting around the house, watching movies, pulling night time baby duty, and working. I lead an absolutely exciting life. No wonder all I want to do is sleep all the time.

That seems to be the gist of my existence currently so...yeah... i'm done.