Thursday, August 9, 2012

That High and Lonesome Sound

nostalgia can be a son of a bitch.
I was driving home last night and a song off of Gaslight Anthem's "The 59 Sound" and then it went right into a song off of Against Me!'s "Reinventing Axl Rose" and the next thing I know I'm flooded with all these memories about life in Minneapolis about how much I miss the city.
I say this alot... ALOT but its things like this that causes me to think that way. I get down that thinking about it.
I miss my crew of friends and being able to walk down to the CC Club and have no responsibilty further than making sure I get home and rent is paid.
I miss nights shambling around town with the Crew
I miss Anna.
I miss Emily.
I miss Matte.
I miss Holly.
I miss Boston and doing wacky shit like crashing upscale house parties and drink all their booze.
I miss Apartment 310 to Yuma
I miss the ability to catch shows at the Triple Rock any night of the week.
Bowling at Memory Lanes, biking to Dinkytown to relax at the Kitty Kat Club.
Longboarding downtown to work at the movie theater.
I wish I could still do it all.
But nostalgia is a double edged sword. You forget all about the shitty times, such as when I was first living alone in a crappy studio, when my car got broken into TWICE in Steven's Square. Seeing an ex-girlfriend with a new boyfriend while I was at work and no way to avoid them.
The two weeks when I couldn't leave my apartment because I had anxiety attacks so bad. There are many many more that I don't want to remember, even now. Back then all I thought about was how I wanted was to find a nice girl to settle down with and have a kid.
Fast forward, here I sit with exactly that, wish fulfilled.
And as happy as my family makes me I still suffer from "the grass is always greener" syndrome. The thing of it is, I don't really even know if i'd want to hang out with my friends back in the cities now, I want to hang out with them as they were back then.
I'm sure they have all changed, matured, moved on from the crazy shit we use to do. Thats just what happens.
I have too, I'm a home body these days, granted it may be because I'm stuck in the middle of "the dead lands" aka Wisconsin. I don't have the energy to bike all the way into madison to go drink if I have the free time and I definately do not want to drive. I've got tons more responsibility, can't be anywhere close to as free-wheeling with my money as I was back then. But each day always brings something new and is usually entertaining in one way or another.

Longing for the past is something I kind of hate as it puts me feeling shitty.
I enjoy life as it happens but I always count past memories as "better" even when they may not have actually been. I've done this as long as I can remember. I'm one of those people who want whatever they can't have and as soon as they get it, they're onto thinking about the next thing. It's a curse. A bloody awful curse.
Another thing about nostalgia is taking about it somehow implicitly seems to talk down about how your life is currently. This isn't the case. More-so it's that if anything I wish I could combine the best of both worlds. All the things that make life great now plus having all my favorite people from MPLS being around too. Whenever I think of how it use to be, this is always my wish and it makes me sad that it can't happen.

I do very much enjoy where I'm at now and I feel like an asshole expounding on the past as it seems to make seem as though I'm dogging what I've got now. Far from it, just when those songs come on i can't help but drift away to a time when life was simple and I could be selfish.

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