Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Far from Father of the Year

Summer went way too fast and we did too little. The excessive heat mixed with a teething toddler made for a lot of hiding out at home.

Lucia has been growing by leaps and bounds. She is pretty tall for her age and now she is starting to get her personality as well as a temper. We've had a hell of a time trying to cope with the new changes in her demeanor as it has been very trying. She has been trying her boundaries. And she has gone from sleeping through the night to waking up for periodically and either needing to be driven around to fall asleep or most recently having to sleep on my side of the bed til 4am before I can put her back into her crib. 
Since Suzy works early most days she goes to bed earlier than I do so 8 times out of 10 I'm the one who has to try and get Lucia back to sleep when she wakes up. It leaves me pretty worn out. Granted I'm usually up late-ish (if you can call 11pm late?) so I can have some time to myself to get in some video game time before having to go to bed so I can get up early to take Lucia to the babysitters and get ready for work. 
Yes, I am aware that this is what parenthood/adulthood is all about but it can get me pretty frazzled. 
As far as work, I've got a good job, maybe not pay-wise but it relaxed and I enjoy most of the people I work with. The summer has been hell though in the warehouse with the ungodly hot/humid/stale air that hung around not moving even with the help of giant fans. It got so hot I cut all my long luscious hair off in an effort to keep cool. It was minimal in its effectiveness. 
After 8 hours in the warehouse I have no energy to do anything but come home and be a lump on the couch. I wish I had the energy to go out and see concerts but it's pretty much impossible due to both me being so drained as well as not having anyone to come to our place and babysit. I'm sure I could go out and Suzy could stay home but I always feel like it's unfair even though I would do the same if she wanted to go out with friends. 
It sucks that some of my friends don't/can't understand that having any sort of nightlife is a virtual impossibility. 
I was lucky enough to get to escape up to Minneapolis for a Friday night a few weeks ago to see a NoFX and Dillinger Four with Anna but after I got up there the show got cancelled (or postponed which is the same thing for me). Anna and I bummed around hitting some of my favorite spots and dropping in a few other friend briefly. Then I got up at 7am and drove straight back home Saturday morning. 

Uggg, even as I am writing this I can hear Lucia begin to whine. I am not sure yet if it is a sleepy whine or an "I'm awake and you need to drive me around to fall back asleep" cry. 

I haven't really gotten to sit and watch whole movies. We have netflix but its main use is "Yo Gabba Gabba", "Sesame Street," "Mad Men" or "The Office". Occasionally I do put on a movie but its usually background noise until Lucia gets crabby and then its back to kids programming. For being such a movie buff I have been lacking in that department quite severely. 

I need to stop a second here and make clear that being a parent to Lucia isn't bad at all, the worst parts always come to mind first because they require the most effort and energy. 
She is starting to repeat new words and can pick up after herself if we ask her to with only tantrum now and again. She likes to rough house with me, get scared and chased around, it makes her laugh pretty hard. Watching her bop around in her car seat when I play music is very encouraging. If I ask her where "Batgirl" is she knows to go to her toy box and find the Batgirl little people character. I usually beam when she gets it right. 
She is a good eater for the most part, though she doesn't like meat which honestly is fine with me as long as she keeps up eating vegetables and fruits. 

Suzy and I have been clashing on how to handle Lucia's temper tantrums though. It's been a point of contention where when Lucia throws one with no legitimate provocation I am of the school of thought to ignore her completely until she can calm down. Calming down can take a long time and alot of high pitched wailing. Where she always goes straight to Suzy for comfort, I have been trying to get Suzy to go along with my idea of no attention until she is calmed down because the last thing I want is for her to get the impression that if she screams enough she can get attention which I'm afraid will cause us to have to suffer through tantrums with much more frequency. I don't want her to think that bad attention is as good as positive attention. 
It makes me feel awful to hear her screaming but it also makes me angry which makes me want to stick to my guns that much more. Its the stubborn part of me that rears up when I get mad. I know she is a little girl and she doesn't understand the bigger picture that I am seeing but I feel I have to wait these tantrums out (even if they make me want to scream too) because it will be better in the long run. 
Our next big project according to Suzy is to wean Lucia off her duck Nuk. She's had it pretty much all her life and its her security possession but since she has got a lot of her teeth in we are afraid that letting her keep it too long will cause her teeth to get crooked and all jacked up like mine were by the time I was 8 and needed braces. 
I don't think taking her duck away is going to be easy in the least. I have low expectations for it. She only gets it at night or long car rides and sometimes I've kept her from having it on car rides too. The night part is whats going to be awful. Suzy and I both get very very cranky when we aren't getting enough sleep so Lucia not going to bed because she doesn't have her duck is going to get old REAL FAST.  I'd love it if she just accepted it but knowing her as I do, it will be a fight. 

Last thing going on in my life is I've been going to the doctor to figure out what has been going on with my stomach/digestive issues. I've had these issues for 10+ years and the first round of tests have come back all normal. I kind of wish they would find something,not life threatening but something treatable so I can get over these problems because they cause my panic attacks and anxiety levels in general to stay quite high and the anxiety makes the problems worse. 
I've got a procedure on Oct 17th that should be the last way to find out if it is something other than just a nervous stomach which I don't believe it can be simply because the anxiety and panic attack developed a few years AFTER I'd already been dealing with the stomach/digestive issues so there has got to be something real going on. I suppose by this time next month I'll know more (or maybe still be just as clueless) 

I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. 

I've got two friends who are in town this weekend through next week. I'm hoping to catch up with them at some point. Also on Friday night there is a free The Hold Steady show on King St. and I am really hoping I can muster enough energy to avoid coming home and occupying the couch and instead go see the concert, at least for a little while. 

Done, so I'm off like a prom dress. 

p.s. I cannot wait for election season to be over with. I am fucking sick to death of these horrible attack ads. From watching them it sounds like EVERYONE is going to raise the taxes on the middle class. Good thing we are poor i suppose.